Have Your Say Discussion Forum



A vitally important place to air your emotions, how you feel and what you think!

The F4J Have Your Say area is simply a place for everyone where you get the Freedom, Peace, Love and Respect to share what's going on for you.

There is no right or wrong about what you say or how you say it —
the main thing is you let it out!

So have your say, vent your spleen, say your peace, let your feelings, emotions and thoughts run free as opposed to bottling it up causing ill health in you and for others.

Chances are there is somebody relating to exactly what's happening or of concern to you. What you say may very well help others as well as yourself. Once we all realise we are not alone and we are all in this together in one form or another, as living men and women with fundamentally the same psychological and biological structure, a great sense of relief and peace can come from this knowing.

However, the only condition in this forum is we ask you not to identify family members by their true names. Not because of man made rules, fear or ignorance, but purely based on respect for yourself, your family and reasons of higher good, else you're free to let loose.

This Have Your Say section is an open forum and not censored as such giving you the freedom to let rip with whatever's on your mind.

So with all that out of the way.... Go straight to writing a comment now

    <Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next>63 - 14 Comments... +Add Yours ...Over 251,442 views
    Family Justice: make it happen in 2012! - By:Daveyone from London, England on January 8, 2012 @ 10:30 pm
    http://www.daveyonefamilylawmanblogspotcom.socialgo.com/magazine.html
    Having just published my 170th Campaign blog, 200th political blog and definative Family Justice blog following the condesending Review the Ministry of Justice published last November I am not sure I have much more to say on this other then lets get behind all the excellent protests , lobbying . local radio comments and ultimatly Occupy movement and make it happen this year! Happy New year folks!
    Internet F4J - By:Peter Butler from NSW, Australia on February 2, 2014 @ 10:25 pm
    Is 'ditch the witch' a clever play on all Australians being subject to witch hunt type family laws, or an attack on women in general? Yes, messages from F4J are now being deleted as junk without most intended recipients knowing, and yes peaceful protests are now being broken up by violent agitators that no-one seems to know. As bumper stickers and letter box drops etc are still available as a means of communication, I suggest the above question be resolved.
    CSA - By:Peter Butler from NSW, Australia on November 14, 2011 @ 4:48 am
    Revolution is ugly and deadly. The intellectual property laws our government has fiddled are what ties up technolgies such as genetic engineering. Once people start doing things like smoking lawn clippings instead of throwing them away I suspect most voters will realise that the welfare approach to law is ill-considered. So no need for revolution, just patience.
    60. CSA - By:Jim Bailey from Wellington, New Zealand on November 12, 2011 @ 10:51 am
    The CSA are rats in disquise working for the government first, then working for mothers. It's fine if a father has the doh but when he ain't they don't give a shit and still come after you with the axe. But hey, they have to cause someone to have a mental illness so they can feed them to the loony psychs and system, or to the funeral directors. This is is exactly why the numbers of young men have dropped in getting married. There ain't a chance in hell for many families to stay together these days the way the govt system is ruling. Hey, let's get a revolution happening!!
    Child Support Agency and the Family - By:Don Doherty from South Australia, Australia on November 9, 2011 @ 11:20 pm
    I have only just recieved another assessment from the child support agency. They have set a figure far to high for me to manage in a very high environment to live. I cannot cope with the ex's debt as well as my own plus this rediculous child support ammount

    It is come to my attention I am going to have to sell the Ex's car, my car and the furniture to be debt free.

    I have a lower back injury for where I currently work, they have relocated me to another job within the business. I will not get another job again because of this lower back injury for myself as a cripple. I know there are worse people out there whom are worse than me but I am working and keeping every thing together for my children.

    I will have to sell up amd leave this lovely town as it is far too expensive to live here in a mining town, move some where else and start again hopfully.

    I love my kids and when I travel 8 hours to see them, they will not let me go and neither will I. Now that I have to come to this decision, the CSA does not know how expensive this town is to live in, now my children will never see there Dad again.

    I thought the CSA were there to help both sides, aparently not. They have just ruined my relationship with my children.

    Thank you CSA
    CSA - By:MrNatural from Vic, Australia on October 28, 2011 @ 2:41 am
    Huh.. if your an asshole dad and pissed off with the new girlfriend and said stuff you to the X and kids and do it smart, chances are you will beat the CSA system and have plenty of doh in your pocket. However, if you are a good Dad and want to be fair and manage financial matters sensibly with the CSA, whether you left or not, you are wasting your breath. The situation ultimately boils down to issues of morality and cunning.
    Fathers Rights - By:George Cahill from NSW, Australia on October 27, 2011 @ 7:57 am
    Yep Don that's pretty well what the CSA would say. The CSA are pretty useless, unintelligent and inflexible when it comes to fathers in my own personal experience. Also, talking to lots of dads and hearing how shrewd mothers with an axe to grind can utilise the CSA almighty powers(since 2006) to pretty well mess a fathers life up, and of course his kids. If it wasn't bad enuf before 2006. Some dads will say the CSA is better now so you will have to make your own mind up.

    What you can do depends on what you're wanting to achieve short and long term, and what lengths you're willing to go to.
    How much money is at stake, who's getting it and is most of it getting to the kids now and for their future?
    Fathers Rights - By:Don Doherty from South Australia, Australia on October 27, 2011 @ 5:50 am
    Hello, I have been told by the CSA I have no rights as a father to influence the way my children are bought up. I am lost on where to go with this. I can't even have a variation because I don't meet the criteria, even though I have to spend 8 hours on the road to see them. So stuffed on where to head with this
    My Experience - By:Steve Bradeley from STAFFORDSHIRE, UK on October 23, 2011 @ 12:23 am
    Hi I found your site after my brother who lives in Qld said he was glad that he was out of the UK and all they unfair family court stuff that was going on. I had to put him right because I knew that you guys were having the same issues.
    Two and a half years ago I split from my long term partner and we had two children whose names I cant say for I have a suspended prison sentence if I do. Over this time I went to court 23 times and suffered all the usual dirty tricks fathers face from their ex's. I estimated that it cost the UK tax payer 0ver half a million pounds in court and lawyer fees.
    In march this year I had a serious heart attack. AS I run and keep fit, am slim with a healthy diet, don't smoke or drink too much we can only assume that the stress got the better of me. I havn't seen my kids for over two years now and every day has it's pain moments.
    I am a UK F4F justice follower but my health dictated that I back off, otherwise I won't be around when I eventually do see my kids. The family law system in the UK sucks and I foolishly thought that as a first world mature country we were above such things. Now I honestly think there is something much more sinister afoot.
    I left the UK to recover and am living temporarily in Brasil. In fact I'm on my way for the 4th time to your lovely country in November 2011 to see my Aussie sisters and two brothers.
    I will never give up my fight. For the time being I snipe and campaign from the safety of Facebook and my blog well out of reach of those bastards in the UK. But I am going back in July to restart my campaign with the F4FJ UK.
    Court - By:Ben from Vic, Aust on October 14, 2011 @ 9:08 am
    How come these numbers in the courts are so high? I always had a sneaking suspicion they were.
    HAve FAith - By:Sam T from Vic, Aust on September 30, 2011 @ 11:58 am
    Hang in ther Bruce...LOL.. Sorry, couldnt resist. We all go thru this shit at times. The system is cooted. They need burning.
    suicide - By:Bruce from vic, australia on September 21, 2011 @ 12:27 am
    who feels like committing suicide today? yeah i do
    Disability Employment Network Rort - By:Kevin Young from Vic, Australia on September 8, 2011 @ 12:00 am
    Who are the people behind our Mental Health Organisations such as Ostara Australia on the Disability Employment Network (DEN)?
    Cos quite clearly they don't give a stuff about their clients. Surprised? You shouldn't be. They get paid a heap of cash from the Government just for having people (disabled or otherwise) on their books, without doing very much in return. Not a bad racket really for those in management and higher.

    Regardless of phone calls or emails complaining about their inadequate services, giving them a chance to make things better and right, Nah you are simply ignored!!

    Unbelievable you would think, especially in a mental or physical health sector where staff should be caring and understanding at the very least toward their unwell clients.

    Just as the nursing homes were uncovered for their disgraceful and inhumane conduct and poor standards, so too will the Mental Health Sector who receives billions of Tax dollars every year for causing in many cases more harm than good.

    Who are watching these organisations and people need to speak up!

    Shame! Shame! Shame!
    50. Sunset Limited - By:johnnyBgood from nsw, australia on September 7, 2011 @ 4:12 pm
    Checkout movie The Sunset Limited guys with Tommy Lee Jones & Samuel L. Jackson. Jones depicts an intelligent man (professor) who tried to commit suicide as he is disillusioned by all the bad & hopelessness in the world. Conversely Jackson is the optimist with faith who saves him, at least for a while. Very deep storytelling. Enjoy!


    Breakdown - By:Paul B from NSW, Australia on September 6, 2011 @ 9:42 pm
    Since my separation years ago where I lost my kids, my doh, my assets, credit rating, career and knowing what I wanted to do and was generally happy, i have gone thru much depression, thoughts of suicide, have picked the wrong women for relationships and can't even get a job. Some days I feel like my mind has died, but my body hasn't. I'm not sure how many guys after divorce or separation feel like this.

    Anyway, I watched a movie "The Beaver" last nite with Mel Gibson and think it was meant to portray a man who had a breakdown, or mid life crisis or somethin affecting his business and home life.

    It was a story bit different to mine and most guys I suspect where the father had a supportive wife, his kids were with him, he had a home, money, car, job and business, so really not that bad. Plus as usual with most movies it had a happy ending.

    Finding a way in which I could have a happy now and ending would be nice - I'm not sure what's missing?
    Speeding Fines - By:Bewitched from VIC, Australia on September 6, 2011 @ 1:28 am
    Is Australia becoming a dictatorship? The answer is YES! My brother received a speeding fine from the Victoria Police which stated the driving offence as "EXCEED SPEED BY LESS THAN 10KM/H"

    The place of the offence was on a freeway where the recommended limit was 110km/hr.

    The fine was $149.00. Great psychological amount perhaps to make you feel better, yet no steak knives.

    The point is fellow Australians is that what car can really give you an accurate reading within a 10km/hr on the speedo let alone having your mind stay focused on the speedo and not the traffic, whilst being in fear of what speed cameras are lurking around to catch you doing a few kilometres over the limit (especially on a freeway)!!!

    Another point is how many people cop these ridiculous revenue raising speeding fines (courtesy of Tenix Solutions - the business and mastermind back-bone behind Victorian and other police forces), and on a daily basis??

    These fines are by no means cheap especially when an average worker or person travels some distance in a day, increasing his or her chance of getting these insatiable fines.

    We all know this is pure revenue raising and not at all about safety. Not when it's only a few k's over the limit.

    What of the pressure and stresses placed upon ordinary fathers, mothers, families and children when money gets taken from their hand without real justification?

    It's stealing is what it is?

    Government sanctioned THEFT is what it is!

    Cast upon apathetic Australians who cop it sweet and don't fight back for their rights — what's fair, just and equitable, save a few merry souls.

    What about the food, shelter and necessities that children go without because of these looting speeding fines?

    These fines are criminal!

    STAND UP people before it's too late!
    Bloody women - By:Barry from Vic, Australia on August 24, 2011 @ 10:56 am
    geez women...dont they sometimes give u a terrible headache!!!
    Reply to Ryan - By:Frank from QLD, Aust on August 21, 2011 @ 12:48 pm
    Don't u gotta wonder what we ever saw in our Exs? Nice touch with your daughter Ryan, hoping she's in a healthy state now. Do what you feel is the right thing to do to protect your daughter but don't react carelessly as we do sometimes when we care too much. Think of the short and long term picture with ur daughter, as one day she will be older and free and wanting to see and be with you, as long as you keep in some form of contact so she knows you care. Keep strong as it's all about endurance.
    continued 3 - By:ryan from ontario, canada on February 21, 2016 @ 8:25 am
    A large hole in her heart , i went to the hostpital myself with my 3 month old daughter and stayed there for four days at her bedside sleeping on a milatary style cought learning to feed her through her nose with gravity fed ng tube.couldnt hardly handle seeing her go through all the tests needed.forth day ex finaly came becouse i needed shower and clothes.when i came back alarm going off and nurse feeding our daughter ' ex never got up once from time we brought baby home, and couldn't then in hostpital , i worked right up till the surgery at 8 mths old and then had to quit again as needed after surgery until i new she was healed .after years of ex trying to undermine or just take excitement out of every great moment with kids i had enough. i left ' daughter 3 an perf health ,ex wouldn't let me see her now where she was nothing.i told her i was getting court papers.ex raced there an ( i want sole costudy of my daughter ) her exact words.she had new dick in the house before seperation papers were signed.ltr
    dealing with moving on - By:ryan from ontario, canada on February 21, 2016 @ 8:25 am
    excepting change in my daughters life with my ex guiding the way, has been the hardest part. love is blind ' ha ,dont i know it now. to my best and none professional explanation of what the hell happened in the 8 months we dated ' before the 4yrs of living together is that my ex is ( passive agressive ) in every sence of what is written . i cant help but laugh when i read something explaining the most common behaviors . I would end up blaming myself for something that I had to make up ' and or believe was the issue making her depressed , angry , sad , whatever on the occasion ' becouse she wouldn't ever say anything . nothing would ever be resolved unless i got to the issue she was dealing with ,and made it becouse of my lack of relationship experience or something .not once in the years we were together did she make me feel appropriated for anything I gave to her, meaning ' trust , allways an ear to listen , a positive outlook twords every obstacle we were faced with , found out who she was quick in court.
    Infidelity - By:Frank from QLD, Aust on August 20, 2011 @ 1:18 am
    my wife fucked some guy over a decade ago now while i was out working. I got the truth out of my now ex wife many months after the event or events, i was never sure which. At the time I was very forgiving and understanding somehow blaming myself i think. How dumb and stupid was i! She was a somatic narcissist. Point is I've hardly thought about it since today, which could be about 15yrs ago now, and it's left a very bad taste in my mouth. Cheating for whatever reason is a very toxic thing to do, both for yourself and others.
    Are women taking over? - By:Rambo from NSW, Australia on August 19, 2011 @ 5:23 am
    Cheers PB and thx for your support. Sometimes I wonder if brains and intelligence is a curse in some places. Keep coming across bloody women who i feel underneath their so called professional exterior and duties, just don't want me (or men) to succeed. Again, I wonder if I'm being paranoid or delusional. Women just seem to be tuff and everywhere in the workplace, except genuinely with you and in your arms. I find it increasingly difficult to come across warm, loving and gentle women these days. Those with a kind and soft heart. I'm not sure if this is only my outlook or whether other switched on guys notice this as well!
    Common Sense - By:P Butler from NSW, Australia on February 2, 2014 @ 10:25 pm
    Ay Rambo. An admission by a government employee that they have made a mistake may result in the authority of their office being questioned. As a result government agencies will often default to the paranoid response of trying to support a decision no matter how wrong. Also, if one assumes mental illness means the brain is not functioning correctly so the apparent intelligence of a sufferer is reduced, clearly one can conclude you are not mentally ill, but have been bullied into accepting such a label.
    40. Common Sense - By:Rambo from NSW, Australia on August 5, 2011 @ 2:35 am
    The system and Common sense - how many people today know what it is, have it and furthermore, use it?

    Is it just me or is common sense disappearing, or has it always been absent?

    Where does common sense come from? Good question and glad you asked.

    Without referring to precise definitions I understand common sense to mean making sound decisions based on general knowledge, observation and experience. Perhaps based on the universal law of cause and effect. What you action usually nets a particular result.

    It shouldn't be too much hard work of the mind, yet it seems to be missing with many people I have interacted with, especially in government systems. Just look all around at the many government flunkies and I'm sure you will see what I mean if you haven't already formed this opinion and moved on.

    So why do many people in governments such as Centrelink and all the related organisations have alot of people that seem to be lacking something between the ears? That grey matter one often refers to.

    Is it perhaps a prerequisite of the Australian government to employ a large number of people who can't think or employ common sense, and act merely as mindless robots attached to a keyboard and monitor?

    Look, I'm not really sure what's going on but it often is a huge struggle to find someone with some intelligence on the other end of the phone or face to face.

    I have a disability and mental illness and I'm sure one would think we get better treated by the system. Well, not wanting to burst your bubble, this is not always the case. Whether it be the people or the computer systems they must obey, usually come first even in the presence of good quality logic and common sense.

    Instead on a mentally ill person getter better help from the system to improve their mental health, I for one, continually run into barriers to get the right help. The more I seek help, want a normal life and to get back to suitable work, the more I get the red hot poker shoved up my backside. Metaphorically speaking of course.

    As my mental health deteriorates on some level from system abuse, I feel like I'm one step closer to going mad as I sometimes begin to question my own sanity and common sense, as the actions I partake in do not adequately translate into positive results.

    Anyway, it's a daily battle and perhaps it's all my fault and perception. I'm the silly one that tries to do the right thing yet get burned for it.

    If I'm the mad one, fine, open the front door to the loony farm cos here I come.
    By:George Cahill from NSW, Australia on August 5, 2011 @ 1:25 am
    Couldn't agree any stronger than with MrNatural on May 20 about the system in Australia. I don't believe Australia is the lucky country for Australians who get caught in the system where their expectation of getting help is only met with disdain and hypocrisy! Whatever happened to a fair go mate?
    By:Admin from Vic, Australia on July 27, 2011 @ 12:37 am
    Men's Justice Movement - INAUGURAL MEETING

    DATE: 27TH JULY 2011
    TIME: 7.30pm Blacktown Workers Club,
    55 Campbell Street Blacktown NSW 2148

    Issues: Discrimination against boys and men in society
    ALL WELCOME
    By:P Butler from NSW, Australia on February 2, 2014 @ 10:25 pm
    The ombudsman have now taken an interest on the basis that I was not notified of any alleged debt before action was taken to recover it. The reasons I am apparently alleged to have a debt has changed from provisional to suggested review of a very old assessment. I am now being told that I will receive some written clarification of why CSA wanted more money off me within a week. Perhaps it's the 'same old' after all.
    By:Bewitched from Vic, Australia on July 21, 2011 @ 2:08 am
    Hey PB, Re the powers of the CSA doing almost whatever they like commenced about 2006, at the time when fathers thought they were getting a fairer deal in relation to more time with their children, they were in reality getting the cue stuck up their ass in regard to the CSA having greater powers to take what they want and when they want it.

    This provisional way of thinking is a totalitarianism method of taking the money first and then thinking about whether in fact you have a right to get it back, notwithstanding whether you were ever entitled to pay a specific quantum in the first instance. Yes, the sheriff of Nottingham is well and truly in town.

    This provisional mentality runs along the theme of user pays, just like how child support is assessed on what your capacity to earn is rather than an actual current figure, and just like paying paying taxes all ahead of time. Income, gst, provisional in businesses and so on.

    I'm sure there are many levels to it all but as a suggestion i would write to the CSA requesting they provide you with the relevant 'dictatorial' legislation that allowed them to garnish your so called private bank account with what authority to take what amount.

    There are various CSA Acts but it's better they explain their actions as to you just guessing.

    Look in fairness, there are some asshole fathers out there who don't give a rat's arse about their kids, and I think these type of of methods are necessary in certain instances, however these men are usually cunning and setup mechanisms that are beyond CSA intervention.

    You on the other hand are paying child support, at least to the mother. Of course, never being sure as to if or how it is directed to the welfare of the kids. I know of women who lavishly waste this money on themselves with little regard to the kids. These women are of course trash and don't deserve the title of mother.

    It always seems to be good people who get heir heads put on the chopping block but these are all lessons to awaken us.
    By:P Butler from NSW, Australia on February 2, 2014 @ 10:25 pm
    Latest trick by CSA. My child support was paid up to date as usual so I was supprised to be notified that CSA has dipped into my pay. Apparently I had a possible "ongoing support debt", which in English means that if they can't accuse you of anything else then CSA can take action over a debt you might accumulate at some point in the future. How did that become law?
    By:Chris from NSW, Aust on July 13, 2011 @ 4:55 am
    Thought id share with you guys that my brother has been separating his assets (business, house etc) over the past 6mths and although they have been so close in negotiation (say $5k and the odd biz ph number) they are now about to go to court. Un-bloody-believable. Id been helping my bro and his ex really didn't want lawyers involved either. I really thought they would have both worked it out, and especially so as there were no children involved or complex issues. However, the point of this comment is to simply highlight how lawyers only need to engineer one person into the courts before you are both sunk - emotionally and financially. They do it slowly, with cunning, using fear tactics and games so beware!
    By:Brian R from QLD, Australia on July 2, 2011 @ 1:46 am
    A friend of mine has left his wife after 20yrs as they were never really connected. They didn't grow apart so much, as he finally woke up one day as he was tired of being dictated to and treated like a work slave without the benefits, if you know what I mean.

    They had no kids and I thought both were emotionally and intellectually capable of dissolving the marriage and assets(home & biz) without much fuss and lawyers, at least for most of it anyway. However, it has taken over 6mths and both were induced by lawyers along the way, she more than him, and have racked up about $40k between them for attendances, phone calls and correspondence but not court apps or appearances. So it can be easily seen how quickly the legal bills increase, especially when there was never any real need for lawyers.

    It's yet another example of how both sides can get easily drawn in, even with both actually able to communicate even with all the horrid abuse. So one can only imagine if both didn't talk, how much trouble they could really be in. So people get your emotions under control and keep those lines of communication open, whatever it takes.
    By:Bill from QLD, OZ on June 20, 2011 @ 7:33 am
    Yes everyone is close to the mark with turning away from the legal profession unless you can have a decent money to results type of relatioship with one. They are very hard to find. I found one who could trust and he was good as defense lawyer, good for contempt cos my case got way outa hand, but he was hopeless at negotiating with other solicitors, it want his thing.
    By:Brian P from Vic, Australia on June 19, 2011 @ 2:03 am
    Maybe Rob Moodie may help Noel? Getting a lawyer who has the balls to protest by wearing women's clothes to court is what we all need. It shows an insight as to how the legal system ought to be treated, with contempt and outlandish behaviour. After all, that's what the legal system often dishes out to us fathers and good mums mind you more often than not. It's an indication how screwed up this area of society (lawyers) is.

    http://www.f4joz.com/news/newspage.php?yr=6&id=110
    30. By:jeremy from WA, australia on June 18, 2011 @ 12:58 am
    nice one moses. I went thru heaps of lawyers years ago with most being so useless I wouldnt hav even used them as a lead paper weight to keep the outside dunny door open
    By:Moses from QLD, Australia on June 18, 2011 @ 12:10 am
    Q.Is there a family lawyer in the house?
    A.No, cos there ain't no house cos they took that too!

    My idea on family lawyers is that many will take your money under the pretense of offering you a valuable service, yet divide your family down the middle conquering you all & leaving you all to pick up the pieces for a long time to come. They are like witch doctors who keep you in the dark and keep information a mystery to force people to rely upon them. It's the ultimate trap!

    Seriously, once you have your emotions under control the rest is common sense & just askin a few questions here & there. Family lawyers can often inflame situations reducing your power & control. Often the amount of time, money, energy you give lawyers in your attempt to have them work for you is often not worth the frustration & harm that can arise.

    There are a few a good lawyers who are good people but they still fall down in areas. Best to realise in the first instance you don't need them, but yes, sometimes lawyers are a necessary evil.
    By:Noel Boase from QLD, Australia on June 17, 2011 @ 10:22 am
    Has anyone got any ideas on a family law solicitor in QLD that has the rights of fathers as a motivator, i am just trying to find someone to help me and i have had no luck by myself. Thank you for all the comments so far. I do appreciate you guys taking the time and i take every thing you have said on board.
    By:Stan from Qld, Australia on June 17, 2011 @ 7:27 am
    Hi guys, no shame with anti-deps noel. Thats nothing..hahha. Back in the early days i had so much pain i wanted to die as it would have been alot better, or so i thought at the time. I was on various drugs, alchol and sex left right and centre. Anything to keep me distracted and kill that pain. I had so much legal and police shit as i wasn't givin in without a fight. Just wanna say noel hang in there through the rough spots, ur amongst comrades here who have been to hell and back before goin on the real ride of dealin with the system
    By:Baz from Vic, Aust on June 16, 2011 @ 10:59 pm
    Hard to get fair from a woman... LOL
    By:Bill from QLD, OZ on June 16, 2011 @ 9:11 pm
    Hi Noel, yeah if your X aint bein a bitch and stoppin you seein the kids and you feel the need to be close to your kids and can stomach your X perhaps move near them. No law against that in fact i heard a judge say once it was a fair thing for the father to do. Each to their own.
    By:MrNatural from Vic, Australia on June 16, 2011 @ 8:16 pm
    Thanks Noel for your comment showing real strength in coming forward and letting it out.

    There are many points that can be commented on however, firstly I will mention an important piece of advice, albeit of a general nature, coming from many years of experience of helping people.

    To cope with the changes and effects accompanying a separation and to get to a better place, it often takes a shift of our perception and an understanding of both our ex's and our values, with usually a realignment of ours.

    This no easy feat depending on one's personality, maturity, attitude, perception and past. So don't be too hard on yourself, although a great time of learning is ahead of you if you choose. People in life are here to help us grow and this includes our ex and children.

    Well done on the promotion to supervisor and understand the long haul and impact on your life after a desertion. I totally agree with you on the lack of fairness issue, however if we are totally honest at a deep level, we all reap what we sow. And who knows, the new path you are all on may just prove to be a better road to fulfillment for all.

    One thing's for sure tho, life is difficult and it ain't always a bed of roses.
    By:Noel Boase from QLD, Australia on June 16, 2011 @ 7:08 pm
    My ex wife and i separated 5 years ago when she left me for another man. She took my two children with her my son was only 9 months old at the time and my daughter was 3. The ex wife took off 6 hours away with my children along with her other children to the other men before me. We had a custody/visitation hearing 3 months after she left. It took 3 months because she took the money and furniture etc. I earnt too much to have legal aid so i had to be able to come up with the money to hire a solicitor. I ended up with half the holidays and one weekend a month. I managed to get her to agree to me seeing the children once a fortnight each time it costs me $700 for motel travel etc. I was made supervisor earlier this year in my job. It took me this past 5yrs to regain a good reputation and credibility in my job. I have had to forgo the second weekend in my month and go back to seeing my children just once a month. I cant afford it financially and i can only take one friday a month off now with the new position. Sometimes i can drive the 6hrs only to find that she will only let me have them for one night. More recently they have started a new school where they have to travel 2 hrs a day to get to and from school which makes for a big day especially for my 5yr old who is in prep. During all of this i havent had a say and have no rights at all. I have private health cover which includes my children and i really want my daughters teeth looked at but i cant even do that. I am just so frustrated. I dont get to talk to my kids on fathers day or my birthday and i am always sucking it up to keep the peace. I didnt get to have my kids for the 3 weeks last christmas as we were in flood and again at easter as bowen (where the children are) had a cyclone etc. I really need someone that can help me get a fair deal. I dont want everything just some fairness. I ask her to meet me halfway when it comes to holidays and she now has 8 kids so she uses them as an excuse. She always says its not her problem when the weather stops me from seeing the children. I ask her to meet me halfway and try to work it out so its fair and she just screams at me on the phone. Then she starts saying nasty things like my daughter doesnt even really want to come for holidays etc. I am just lost at the moment. I feel i dont have any rights or even a leg to stand on. I honestly just want some fairness. Its embarassing to say but i have been on and off anti depressants and the stress is sometimes overwhelming. I just dont know who to turn to. The lawyer i had in the beginning said there was no point getting her moved back here nearer to me but i wish there was a way. My kids and i are close and i just miss my little people all the time. Any suggestions of who i can talk to other than a counsellor would be so appreciated. Thank you for reading my post.
    By:Peter Butler. from NSW, Australia on February 2, 2014 @ 10:25 pm
    Notice how the Sydney harbour bridge protester is in court already. Even letterboxing peaceful protest leaflets results in a continious set of government 'errors' that wear you down. The technical term is 'war of attrition'. Coincidentsally, protesting on behalf of an organisation such as greens seems to result in many job opportunities becoming available.
    By:Baz from Vic, Aust on June 4, 2011 @ 7:19 am
    Yeah 'Just a Dad' judging from her home page E.M would be biased against men alright. Possibly abused herself as a child or saw her mother abused by a man and poss a lesbian. A father would have no hope wit an academic like that putting her two cents in. More details?
    20. By:Just a dad from SA, Australia on June 1, 2011 @ 12:49 pm
    Seems that a lot of government funding is going to the likes of Elspeth McInness to seperate children from loving dads.

    Seems that a lot of government policies are derived from the mostly flawed research coming from this man-hating "discipline".

    Hellspit.....Just in case you didn't realise, kids need their dads.

    http://www.unisanet.unisa.edu.au/staff/Homepage.asp?Name=elspeth.mcinnes
    By:Harry from NSW, Aust on May 29, 2011 @ 5:32 am
    Hi Guys, Just wanted to share an incident about a male friend of mine and his brothers who having known them for sometime have had numerous troubles with picking good women for relationships. Yes haven't we all I hear some say, and yes very true. The important thing is that these brothers didn't grow up with a father at the helm, as he pissed off when they were all under five. And, yes he could be called a dead beat dad, a loser and an asshole. However, the vital point and correlation is no father - no good relationship/s with women and possibly other types of relationships too.

    Now the problem is, if anybody really gives a damn, is that we in today's society and over the past 30 years have seen many children grow up fatherless, so it may very well follow that these kids will have relationship problems in their adult years and contribute to having their lives breakdown and decay into low self esteem and possibly suicide too. Anyway, my 2 bobs worth of insight, cheers to all and keep up the good work.
    By:jeremy from WA, australia on May 29, 2011 @ 3:44 am
    There are some pretty insensitive and abusive women around alright, just like there are some men. There is definitely something inhumane and lacking with these women who usually catch men in a vulnerable, confused and perhaps naive state. They are predators who prey upon men and take, take and give nothing in return to benefit the person they're with. It's a very bad place to be if you're on the rxing end of such abusive treatment and can need plenty of support afterwards. But you are 100x better out of this type of relationship. My sympathy to all those who are suffering or who have suffered such a trauma as I too know how terrible it feels.
    By:Bill from Qld, Australia on May 29, 2011 @ 1:01 am
    Onya Stan your learning as we all do. Ive made some horrendous fuckups wth women my fault as well, but boy have I learnt a few things about women & myself in the process. My motto these days is I don't hang with women who bring me down & make me feel like shit or are into pwoer & abuse.
    By:Stan from Qld, Australia on May 29, 2011 @ 12:55 am
    cheers Bill and tanks for that. im so over women it just aint funny. maybe its the ones ive been with but christ ther abusive, mean spirited, loveless and i must have been so damaged after my divorce that ive hung around these types but no more let me tell you!! one does get a bit wiser as the years roll on
    By:Bill from qld, Australia on May 29, 2011 @ 12:48 am
    Morning Stan, yeah couldn't agree with you more. They seem to be growing in numbers especially those women who work. I've seen many out there stomping on men and other women. Some of them really think they're gods gift and no one else matters. It's certainly a different spin on women say 20yrs ago and the many kind & caring women still around thank god. Not sure if it's a power thing or what.
    By:Stan from Qld, Australia on May 29, 2011 @ 12:30 am
    im over narcissistic bitches! Seriously, there's alot of fucked up people who don't know how to love or care and have absolutely no heart!!!
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