Have Your Say Discussion Forum



A vitally important place to air your emotions, how you feel and what you think!

The F4J Have Your Say area is simply a place for everyone where you get the Freedom, Peace, Love and Respect to share what's going on for you.

There is no right or wrong about what you say or how you say it —
the main thing is you let it out!

So have your say, vent your spleen, say your peace, let your feelings, emotions and thoughts run free as opposed to bottling it up causing ill health in you and for others.

Chances are there is somebody relating to exactly what's happening or of concern to you. What you say may very well help others as well as yourself. Once we all realise we are not alone and we are all in this together in one form or another, as living men and women with fundamentally the same psychological and biological structure, a great sense of relief and peace can come from this knowing.

However, the only condition in this forum is we ask you not to identify family members by their true names. Not because of man made rules, fear or ignorance, but purely based on respect for yourself, your family and reasons of higher good, else you're free to let loose.

This Have Your Say section is an open forum and not censored as such giving you the freedom to let rip with whatever's on your mind.

So with all that out of the way.... Go straight to writing a comment now

    <Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 25 - 1 Comments... +Add Yours ...Over 254,053 views
    By:Bill from QLD, OZ on June 16, 2011 @ 9:11 pm
    Hi Noel, yeah if your X aint bein a bitch and stoppin you seein the kids and you feel the need to be close to your kids and can stomach your X perhaps move near them. No law against that in fact i heard a judge say once it was a fair thing for the father to do. Each to their own.
    By:MrNatural from Vic, Australia on June 16, 2011 @ 8:16 pm
    Thanks Noel for your comment showing real strength in coming forward and letting it out.

    There are many points that can be commented on however, firstly I will mention an important piece of advice, albeit of a general nature, coming from many years of experience of helping people.

    To cope with the changes and effects accompanying a separation and to get to a better place, it often takes a shift of our perception and an understanding of both our ex's and our values, with usually a realignment of ours.

    This no easy feat depending on one's personality, maturity, attitude, perception and past. So don't be too hard on yourself, although a great time of learning is ahead of you if you choose. People in life are here to help us grow and this includes our ex and children.

    Well done on the promotion to supervisor and understand the long haul and impact on your life after a desertion. I totally agree with you on the lack of fairness issue, however if we are totally honest at a deep level, we all reap what we sow. And who knows, the new path you are all on may just prove to be a better road to fulfillment for all.

    One thing's for sure tho, life is difficult and it ain't always a bed of roses.
    By:Noel Boase from QLD, Australia on June 16, 2011 @ 7:08 pm
    My ex wife and i separated 5 years ago when she left me for another man. She took my two children with her my son was only 9 months old at the time and my daughter was 3. The ex wife took off 6 hours away with my children along with her other children to the other men before me. We had a custody/visitation hearing 3 months after she left. It took 3 months because she took the money and furniture etc. I earnt too much to have legal aid so i had to be able to come up with the money to hire a solicitor. I ended up with half the holidays and one weekend a month. I managed to get her to agree to me seeing the children once a fortnight each time it costs me $700 for motel travel etc. I was made supervisor earlier this year in my job. It took me this past 5yrs to regain a good reputation and credibility in my job. I have had to forgo the second weekend in my month and go back to seeing my children just once a month. I cant afford it financially and i can only take one friday a month off now with the new position. Sometimes i can drive the 6hrs only to find that she will only let me have them for one night. More recently they have started a new school where they have to travel 2 hrs a day to get to and from school which makes for a big day especially for my 5yr old who is in prep. During all of this i havent had a say and have no rights at all. I have private health cover which includes my children and i really want my daughters teeth looked at but i cant even do that. I am just so frustrated. I dont get to talk to my kids on fathers day or my birthday and i am always sucking it up to keep the peace. I didnt get to have my kids for the 3 weeks last christmas as we were in flood and again at easter as bowen (where the children are) had a cyclone etc. I really need someone that can help me get a fair deal. I dont want everything just some fairness. I ask her to meet me halfway when it comes to holidays and she now has 8 kids so she uses them as an excuse. She always says its not her problem when the weather stops me from seeing the children. I ask her to meet me halfway and try to work it out so its fair and she just screams at me on the phone. Then she starts saying nasty things like my daughter doesnt even really want to come for holidays etc. I am just lost at the moment. I feel i dont have any rights or even a leg to stand on. I honestly just want some fairness. Its embarassing to say but i have been on and off anti depressants and the stress is sometimes overwhelming. I just dont know who to turn to. The lawyer i had in the beginning said there was no point getting her moved back here nearer to me but i wish there was a way. My kids and i are close and i just miss my little people all the time. Any suggestions of who i can talk to other than a counsellor would be so appreciated. Thank you for reading my post.
    By:Peter Butler. from NSW, Australia on February 2, 2014 @ 10:25 pm
    Notice how the Sydney harbour bridge protester is in court already. Even letterboxing peaceful protest leaflets results in a continious set of government 'errors' that wear you down. The technical term is 'war of attrition'. Coincidentsally, protesting on behalf of an organisation such as greens seems to result in many job opportunities becoming available.
    By:Baz from Vic, Aust on June 4, 2011 @ 7:19 am
    Yeah 'Just a Dad' judging from her home page E.M would be biased against men alright. Possibly abused herself as a child or saw her mother abused by a man and poss a lesbian. A father would have no hope wit an academic like that putting her two cents in. More details?
    20. By:Just a dad from SA, Australia on June 1, 2011 @ 12:49 pm
    Seems that a lot of government funding is going to the likes of Elspeth McInness to seperate children from loving dads.

    Seems that a lot of government policies are derived from the mostly flawed research coming from this man-hating "discipline".

    Hellspit.....Just in case you didn't realise, kids need their dads.

    http://www.unisanet.unisa.edu.au/staff/Homepage.asp?Name=elspeth.mcinnes
    By:Harry from NSW, Aust on May 29, 2011 @ 5:32 am
    Hi Guys, Just wanted to share an incident about a male friend of mine and his brothers who having known them for sometime have had numerous troubles with picking good women for relationships. Yes haven't we all I hear some say, and yes very true. The important thing is that these brothers didn't grow up with a father at the helm, as he pissed off when they were all under five. And, yes he could be called a dead beat dad, a loser and an asshole. However, the vital point and correlation is no father - no good relationship/s with women and possibly other types of relationships too.

    Now the problem is, if anybody really gives a damn, is that we in today's society and over the past 30 years have seen many children grow up fatherless, so it may very well follow that these kids will have relationship problems in their adult years and contribute to having their lives breakdown and decay into low self esteem and possibly suicide too. Anyway, my 2 bobs worth of insight, cheers to all and keep up the good work.
    By:jeremy from WA, australia on May 29, 2011 @ 3:44 am
    There are some pretty insensitive and abusive women around alright, just like there are some men. There is definitely something inhumane and lacking with these women who usually catch men in a vulnerable, confused and perhaps naive state. They are predators who prey upon men and take, take and give nothing in return to benefit the person they're with. It's a very bad place to be if you're on the rxing end of such abusive treatment and can need plenty of support afterwards. But you are 100x better out of this type of relationship. My sympathy to all those who are suffering or who have suffered such a trauma as I too know how terrible it feels.
    By:Bill from Qld, Australia on May 29, 2011 @ 1:01 am
    Onya Stan your learning as we all do. Ive made some horrendous fuckups wth women my fault as well, but boy have I learnt a few things about women & myself in the process. My motto these days is I don't hang with women who bring me down & make me feel like shit or are into pwoer & abuse.
    By:Stan from Qld, Australia on May 29, 2011 @ 12:55 am
    cheers Bill and tanks for that. im so over women it just aint funny. maybe its the ones ive been with but christ ther abusive, mean spirited, loveless and i must have been so damaged after my divorce that ive hung around these types but no more let me tell you!! one does get a bit wiser as the years roll on
    By:Bill from qld, Australia on May 29, 2011 @ 12:48 am
    Morning Stan, yeah couldn't agree with you more. They seem to be growing in numbers especially those women who work. I've seen many out there stomping on men and other women. Some of them really think they're gods gift and no one else matters. It's certainly a different spin on women say 20yrs ago and the many kind & caring women still around thank god. Not sure if it's a power thing or what.
    By:Stan from Qld, Australia on May 29, 2011 @ 12:30 am
    im over narcissistic bitches! Seriously, there's alot of fucked up people who don't know how to love or care and have absolutely no heart!!!
    By:johnsie from qld, oz on May 23, 2011 @ 5:54 am
    yeah good pple who help others don't get rewarded in this world of the greedy with the bugger you jack im alright attitude.
    By:Bill from Qld, Australia on May 23, 2011 @ 1:12 am
    It's been my experience the employment sector is pretty fucked up in Australia.

    People with qualifications cant get jobs. People with experience cant get jobs. If you're over 40 forget it, no one wants to know you. This is characterized by the nil job agencies helping people past 40. God knows how many hoops you have to jump through to get a job. All they ever want is you to do is bloody selection criteria. Maybe it's ok if you're a woman, you can get one of thousands of jobs in HR, who screen job apps.

    All they want you to do is go waste your time in training courses forever and spend loads of money on uni degrees which don't guarantee jobs anyway. Plus they farm heaps of jobs out overseas anyway. If you end up getting a job you pay a high tax rate, unless you have dependents and have be a political correct worker where you can't say one wrong word.

    Its no wonder people end up with mental illness problems, cos it doesn't matter what you do or make much sense. You just can't seem to win. It's all about who you know than what you know. God help our young and our over 40's.
    By:jeremy from WA, australia on May 22, 2011 @ 10:08 pm
    i agree with pete. ive been unemployed and out of paid work for so long now since i raised my kids and got a whirlwind of abuse fro my ex, lawyers and the system. I got my family, career, finances and head messed up so bad I may never lead a normal life again. When a father wants to care for his kids he gets the cue stuck up his ass!
    10. By:Phil Bradshaw from Victoria, Australia on May 20, 2011 @ 11:58 pm
    On the point of $1,5b Mrnatural I know of an instance where two govt officials went to a business offering $4000 for every employee they sign up for training and courses, whether they really needed or wanted to do the course. The rort is the course may cost $1000 with $3000 going straight to the employer for nothing really. Plus the unemployed who need jobs in the first place won't end up getting them or be better off.
    By:MrNatural from Vic, Australia on May 20, 2011 @ 4:24 am
    What annoys me is how many people in position and power, and the health/welfare sector speak with a forked tongue...

    $1.5 billion is up for grabs for the welfare and return to employment sector, including those on a disability pension, but hey, lets see where the money will really go!

    Into the hands of the mentally ill to get a better life? I DOUBT IT!!
    Into the hands of the long term unemployed to get suitable work ? I DOUBT IT!!
    Into all those highly paid professionals and business owners of health facilities and employment agencies? I RECKON SO!!

    This is not a negative view from a negative person, it's from a person who's seen, heard and knows too much from those who espouse good things with one hand and take with the other. Yes, people with forked tongues alright.

    Furthermore, I have experienced sweet bugger all help on welfare and with my disability in 10yrs.

    I have had barely any real help from public job agency JobServices Australia (JSA), and I doubt I ever will before I hear "Oh the money's run out!"

    Who are the shareholders in JSA?
    Won't they be happy with their return on investment(ROI) over the next few years.

    Q. What's the comparison between a public employment agency who helps a person on welfare get a job and a private one?
    A. Everything. In 10yrs with a public ones I have had sweet FA help! In 3 days with a private one I had an interview for a highly paid position with a huge organisation.

    So pple, you must get away from welfare as quick as you can, else that system will turn you mentally ill like they did to me, which has taken many years of recovery, plus I'm still not a 100% functioning person yet.

    Keeping you sick living on a pittance to grease the wheels of those who profit of the sick. A perpetual cycle that will destroy and suck the life right outa your bones!

    What a racket I tell you...
    By:pete from nsw, aust on May 11, 2011 @ 11:20 am
    geez its hard gettin back to work after many years broken down. the public employment agencies are stuffed & dont do a dam thing excerpt send u batty
    By:Brian P from Vic, Australia on May 5, 2011 @ 10:59 am
    Thanx MrNat 4 that. The light at the end of the tunnel seems so far away at times.
    By:MrNatural from Vic, Australia on May 5, 2011 @ 12:56 am
    Hi Brian, geez thought i was looking at a mirror reading what you had to say apart from a few exceptions. To make you feel better or worse im not sure which, ive been divorced for about 15years and it seems like an eternity. Im out of work too with some days i just wonder why i bother. Thoughts of suicide was bad in the early years but kept clear of it mainly thank god. Mostly cos of my kids, just couldn't do it to them plus id rather fight that useless system you were talking about which i did. However bad depression still lingers and things don't seem to get better until you look from the outside in and see things have changed alot. So keep going Brian, one step at a time and one day at a time.
    By:Brian P from Vic, Australia on May 5, 2011 @ 12:04 am
    Just saw this new feature up & thought id give it a whirl. If anyone out there has their life together can you please tell me how?

    Ive been out of work for over a decade since the family broke up and have rolled along helping people here and there, recovering and experiencing new things while I raised my kids under difficult circumstances.

    I have suffered considerable depression and anxiety from really not being in control of my life, bombarded by external legal mechanisms for many years. It caused my mental health to deteriorate on some levels yet allowed me to break free of a delusional world that many are trapped in. Yes I'm also trapped as I try and escape reaching for something better.

    Have been in the system trying to get work for a decade now and have been shuttled from one job agency to the next. Have come to realise ive been abused many times by the systems we have in place and now wonder why i ever expected better from such inadequate systems. I'm totally over politicians and people who talk bullshit and simply just give lip service. Quite frankly i think they want people to be unemployed and sick. After all, it will keep someone in a job.

    Anyway, no matter how qualified one is as Engineer in IT with a diverse range of skills, one can find it hard after many years of loss and abuse from lawyers and Family Court and legal systems. Yes it's all my fault I know and I'm taking full responsibility, however it's still hard to lift up and get a good life.

    Any help and guidance would be appreciated or do I need a labotomy?
    By:MrNatural from Vic, Australia on May 4, 2011 @ 11:54 pm
    Gr8 stuff guys. Hang in there Bob
    By:Bobby Brown from Victoria, Australia on May 4, 2011 @ 11:55 pm
    Im feelin a bit shitful atm
    By:Sue P from Qld, Australia on May 4, 2011 @ 11:55 pm
    Not really sure what to say save well done to the guys at F4J
    By:Admin from Vic, Australia on October 23, 2013 @ 9:11 pm
    Thanks for your patience, the team at F4J is glad to say this area is now up... Enjoy!
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