- Family first - a grandma's choice
- The Age
- 16/01/2009 Make a Comment
- Contributed by: The Rooster ( 258 articles in 2009 )
People are rediscovering the joy of involving grandparents in the care of children.
IN THE million photographs of Barack Obama there's a casual shot taken on election night that shows the surprise of this incoming presidency more intimately than most. Obama is sitting on a two-seater sofa watching the results come in. At the other end of the sofa there's a woman who isn't his wife and, in the space between them, Obama is holding her hand. The woman is his mother-in-law, Marian Robinson, and he's grasping her hand as if it's the most natural thing in the world.
Political families are filtered through to us as expertly as any other part of political life, which is why the realness of this picture shocks us.
Robinson, Michelle Obama's mother, has been the backstop to her family in the past two years. Now Robinson is moving into the White House so she can be a close support to her family and to continue as a constant for her two grandchildren in the coming whirlwind years.
Understandably Robinson isn't especially eager to move. Like most people she would prefer to stay in her own home, but she's moving because her daughter "begged" her.
That word "begged" will be interpreted with empathy from all regions in the generational map because, despite the rise in grey nomads and despite sensational myths of children dumping a parent to fade into a lonely death in a nursing home, one new and far kinder truth is emerging.
There are no exact figures to track grandparents actually moving into their children's houses, or vice versa, but there is evidence of daily involvement with grandchildren. According to 2002 Australian Bureau of Statistics figures, more than one-fifth of children below school age in Australia are being cared for by grandparents as part of regular child care; 31 per cent of the total hours of care of children up to 11 years is also provided by grandparents.
At 71, Robinson is still fully engaged in life. She only recently resigned from her part-time position in a bank because she considered that she could be of more use to her family than to the bank. Everything about her suggests that she finds it natural and satisfying to be exactly who she is and where she is at this time in her life - a loved grandmother, one part of a tight family.
The Obamas are not an average couple, but they share familial characteristics with millions of others. Intergenerational families work. Over the past three decades social researchers have had valid concerns that as sole parenting increased and young women moved into full-time work outside the home, those women's mothers and, to a lesser extent, their fathers would be called upon to look after the children.
Theorists saw this as potentially disabling to the grandparent as what was left of their lives was eaten up by the demands of selfish and materialistic children. Obviously, it sometimes is, and bad news always gets relayed before the good, but the general vision of disaster hasn't happened. Instead a new version of family life is being created, worked at and refined, often on the run.
Excellent child care outside the family is a non-negotiable need but the intricate, shared values of a family suggest deeper and more workable truths about the ways we might live now. Humans need to live in groups; basically, we're pack animals, and we're tribal. The point to life probably is 42, as Douglas Adams suggests, but it could equally be in each of us making it a little better for one another, the George Eliot argument.
A grandparent being useful in the intimate if sometimes tedious routines of daily life is often the reason a younger person can flourish at the peak of their working lives. Being able to be useful gives grandparents respect and value.
Life happens in cycles. Madeleine Albright was once asked if she thought women could "have it all". Her reply was as accurate as it was concise: "Yes, but not all at once." Our needs and desires are fluid and will alter as we age, but they are not less important nor less relevant.
This photograph of a man halfway through life and at the peak of his career holding hands with the woman in the last third of her life who has enabled him in the most profound and delicate ways points to the future.
Helen Elliott is a freelance writer.
The intricate, shared values of a family suggest deeper and more workable truths.
IN THE million photographs of Barack Obama there's a casual shot taken on election night that shows the surprise of this incoming presidency more intimately than most. Obama is sitting on a two-seater sofa watching the results come in. At the other end of the sofa there's a woman who isn't his wife and, in the space between them, Obama is holding her hand. The woman is his mother-in-law, Marian Robinson, and he's grasping her hand as if it's the most natural thing in the world.
Political families are filtered through to us as expertly as any other part of political life, which is why the realness of this picture shocks us.
Robinson, Michelle Obama's mother, has been the backstop to her family in the past two years. Now Robinson is moving into the White House so she can be a close support to her family and to continue as a constant for her two grandchildren in the coming whirlwind years.
Understandably Robinson isn't especially eager to move. Like most people she would prefer to stay in her own home, but she's moving because her daughter "begged" her.
That word "begged" will be interpreted with empathy from all regions in the generational map because, despite the rise in grey nomads and despite sensational myths of children dumping a parent to fade into a lonely death in a nursing home, one new and far kinder truth is emerging.
There are no exact figures to track grandparents actually moving into their children's houses, or vice versa, but there is evidence of daily involvement with grandchildren. According to 2002 Australian Bureau of Statistics figures, more than one-fifth of children below school age in Australia are being cared for by grandparents as part of regular child care; 31 per cent of the total hours of care of children up to 11 years is also provided by grandparents.
At 71, Robinson is still fully engaged in life. She only recently resigned from her part-time position in a bank because she considered that she could be of more use to her family than to the bank. Everything about her suggests that she finds it natural and satisfying to be exactly who she is and where she is at this time in her life - a loved grandmother, one part of a tight family.
The Obamas are not an average couple, but they share familial characteristics with millions of others. Intergenerational families work. Over the past three decades social researchers have had valid concerns that as sole parenting increased and young women moved into full-time work outside the home, those women's mothers and, to a lesser extent, their fathers would be called upon to look after the children.
Theorists saw this as potentially disabling to the grandparent as what was left of their lives was eaten up by the demands of selfish and materialistic children. Obviously, it sometimes is, and bad news always gets relayed before the good, but the general vision of disaster hasn't happened. Instead a new version of family life is being created, worked at and refined, often on the run.
Excellent child care outside the family is a non-negotiable need but the intricate, shared values of a family suggest deeper and more workable truths about the ways we might live now. Humans need to live in groups; basically, we're pack animals, and we're tribal. The point to life probably is 42, as Douglas Adams suggests, but it could equally be in each of us making it a little better for one another, the George Eliot argument.
A grandparent being useful in the intimate if sometimes tedious routines of daily life is often the reason a younger person can flourish at the peak of their working lives. Being able to be useful gives grandparents respect and value.
Life happens in cycles. Madeleine Albright was once asked if she thought women could "have it all". Her reply was as accurate as it was concise: "Yes, but not all at once." Our needs and desires are fluid and will alter as we age, but they are not less important nor less relevant.
This photograph of a man halfway through life and at the peak of his career holding hands with the woman in the last third of her life who has enabled him in the most profound and delicate ways points to the future.
Helen Elliott is a freelance writer.
The intricate, shared values of a family suggest deeper and more workable truths.
Source: https://www.theage.com.au/opinion/family-first--a-grandmas-choice-20090115-7i5g.html?page=-1
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