Could it really cost this much to go through a divorce?

Divorcing couples spend an average of half their annual income on legal fees. A lawyer turned family mediator has some advice for divorcees.

Once upon a time divorce was a dirty word. Now one in three Australian marriages ends in divorce.

The divorce industry has grown along with those numbers.

Forensic accountants, court costs, maintenance and settlement battles have turned this once private affair into a moneymaking machine. The cost of divorce is high, both emotionally and financially.

'Bob' is a divorced father of two. Over seven bitter years, he and his ex-wife have had just 25 days before a judge and engaged eight expensive lawyers at a total cost of more than $1.4 million.

"It's indescribable, just enormous," Bob said. "I think you go on the verge of nervous breakdown until you get a judgement against you that you're facing financial ruin.

"You consider suicide, that's where it takes you."

Bob doesn't blame his ex-wife for this debacle. He blames the court process and believes lawyers have hijacked his case.

Even his ex-wife's legal bills have apparently reached more than $850 000. And to make sure she pays up, lawyers have even put a caveat over the family home.

Bob says he even offered to settle the case for $750,000 and was told that would leave nothing for his wife.

Divorcing couples who go to trial will spend an average of more than half their annual income on the proceedings alone.

Mother-of-two 'Edie' is one of them. She says it cost her $50,000 in lawyers' fees just to reach settlement.

"I was vulnerable I think," Edie said. "I walked into those lawyers' offices with 'victim' written on my t-shirt and I was a perfect patsy for them."

"'Come in spinner' is the line, and what they saw was an opportunity to make a dollar."

Edie says she was in a constant state of anxiety.

"And what these lawyers did was work on it," Edie said.

"Sending me off in directions where I needed to get another opinion or a forensic accountant or something more, calling me back into the office all the time, ticking over the dollars with this fear."

For five years it was more like a fight between lawyers than between husband and wife.

Edie and her ex-husband have now called a truce and joined forces to report their lawyers to the Legal Practitioners' Board.

Michael Green was a barrister. Now he's a critic of the system, having gone through his own messy divorce.

He works as a family mediator, angry at a system more concerned with money than families.

"We've traditionally identified separation and divorce as a legal problem," Mr Green said. "And it's not, it's a human problem."

Mr Green says when some lawyers are told property is involved there's often no talk of settlement, prolonging the proceedings.

Here's how the system works. First, a client registers with a family law expert for custody of kids or a settlement.

The divorce application costs $574 but you need a lawyer for that. If you have a child under 18 a lawyer will cost $720 to lodge the papers.

Chamber work costs up to $270 per hour, while conferences to debate things with the ex-spouse cost $270 per hour.

A court hearing itself costs anything up to $2,000 per day depending how long it takes.

Then there's the decision - judgements cost up to $270 per hour but it doesn't end there. Your lawyer charges for faxes, letters, phone calls, emails and meetings.

Everything is timed, then billed. The only way to avoid these costs is to avoid going to court.

"It's part of our culture now and we've got to get rid of it," Mr Green said.

"And the way to get rid of it I believe is getting the lawyers, judges, court, right out of it by means of the new system, the new process."

The new process involves a Family Tribunal with no lawyers. It's been recommended by a parliamentary committee, along with calls to limit lawyers' fees.

Dean of Law at Griffith University Professor Rosemary Hunter says while some lawyers are greedy, there are plenty who'll consider your circumstances.

"The great majority of lawyers will try to minimise the costs for their clients and are conscious that their clients don't have a great deal of resources to invest in the case," Professor Hunter said.

"On the other hand we do have evidence that suggests when clients are wealthy it's like all their Christmases have come at once."

Part of the problem is the Family Court's secrecy.

There's a total ban on the media covering Family Court cases, meaning most people never hear about traumatic stories such as Bob's.

If we showed his face we'd risk being embroiled in a court case.

"It's very hard once you've been through this process, it's very hard not to be bitter," Bob said.

If going through a divorce and don't qualify for legal aid, your have the option to represent yourself. The Family Court even has a do-it-yourself kit.

Using mediators will keep you out of the expensive system altogether.

"I would say go to as many people as you can outside of a lawyer's office and work out what is going on," Edie said.

"Take your emotions out of it, be very practical, think about the future and think about the kid."

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